The first thing I did when I saw her was ask her who she was

However, I already knew the answer.

I only asked her because maybe this time it would be different, 

Maybe this time she would respond.

But just like I thought, 

There was no answer.

She stared back at me

That disgusted, irritated, blurry face

And I knew exactly how loud the silence was in her head.

I was familiar with the feeling

She hates when it’s quiet.

I knew every issue she had

With people, with the world, with herself.

I knew everything about her before a word left her mouth.

I was the one who always spoke, the one who pictured the world black, and the one always begging for an answer.

And even though I already knew what it would be, I hoped this time she’d respond to me.

The silence continued but this time it felt like fire burning beneath my skin

Except now I’d been offered a fire extinguisher just outside my reach. 

She stared and it was now hard to tell if she had an expression on her face.

Or a face at all

Who was I looking at?

I wanted to reach my hand into her head so I could understand the scramble of her mind and find my own conclusion.

If a box of her thoughts was concealed in front of me, I wouldn’t hesitate a second before reaching in.

I’d close my eyes, even in the situation where I was headed into a pit. 

And even if a snake bit me from the other side,

At least it would be an answer.